Women's Rights > Gay Rights

Well, it's been a bit over a year since I last wrote anything here. Lots has happened, including lots of thinking. Recently, some of that thinking led me to a startlingly simple conclusion: homophobia and transphobia largely exist because our society, as a whole, hates women.

If you were growing up as a boy, what was the worst thing anyone could call you? A girl, right? Even now other kids and parents will insult a little boy by saying he throws like a girl, or to stop being such a little girl about things or similar stuff. Why is this? Why do we hate girls so much? There's no reason for it, and it is this irrational, institutionalized hatred of the female gender that is killing our society, especially on the LGBTQQA-what-the-fuck-ever-letters-have-been-added-in-the-last-five-minutes- side of things.

Now, I'm not trying to downgrade the hatred and violence shown towards lesbians and FTM transexuals, but the brunt of the violence has traditionally been borne by gay men and transwomen. There's a reason for this: in many cases, if someone who is anti-gay sees two women holding hands or kissing in public, they go through a thought process that tells them that this is a wrong thing, but if they see two guys kissing, there is an immediate, visceral reaction. They don't have to run through a thought process; their GUT is what's telling them it's wrong. This is, of course, a generalization, but I don't really have the time or resources to work through every exception out there, so generalizations will have to do for now.

So what's the difference? Why is opposition to lesbians (and by loose extension transmen) less immediate and severe than that to gays and transwomen? It comes right back to institutionalized misogyny. I don't know what the reasons for society's hatred of women, but as a whole, we have this concept that they are inferior. And it is offensive to the mind that someone would willingly place themselves in an inferior position. Which brings us back to gays and transwomen. The anti-gay types have the general idea that gay men, especially effeminate bottoms, are placing themselves in the role of women, which is offensive to their concept that men are naturally superior. Why would anyone place themselves in the inferior role? Holy crap, if someone is voluntarily taking that role when they have male privilege, then maybe women aren't naturally inferior and that means that...  ABORT!!! ABORT!!! Broken Logic!! Attack the thing that's making my brain hurt!!!

So if gay men elicit that response, how much worse is it for us transwomen? We are not only placing ourselves in that role sexually, but in every aspect of our lives! So the only excuse that the haters can come up with to maintain their illusion of superiority over women is that we must be crazy; we must have something wrong with our brains. They can dress it up with fancy titles like "gender dysphoria," but it's still saying that we have a mental illness because we aren't happy with the role we were cast in. It's bullshit, and it really needs to be just thrown out. I'm not saying there aren't psychological issues involved with being trans, but they are by-and-large reactions to how society treats us. If society didn't treat us like shit, we wouldn't have such fucked-up reactions to it. Just sayin'.

Of course, we have to bring lesbians and transmen back into this.  Hatred of them is pretty much rooted in the opposite of this effect. They dare to rise up? They dare to act and dress as men? Who do they think they are? This is why some transmen get treated like little children playing dress-up; that's how some people see them. They're talked down to, not taken seriously, treated like kids. It all comes down to misogyny.

So, what can we do about this issue? Do we dare continue to fight for gay rights and ignore women's rights? I personally think that's just stupid. That's taking Tylenol to fight the fever from the infection rather in lieu of taking antibiotics to kill the infection. The best course of action is to treat the symptoms and the cause simultaneously. This is why the gay community as a whole needs to refocus and pour more energy into root causes and fight the patriarchal system we've got going.

Until women become people, gays won't be people either.

Sorry about the excess patriotic fervor....

My post today has absolutely nothing to do with being trans, nothing to do with being queer in the queer unfriendly culture that is the military. Tonight, it doesn't matter how I or anyone else classify themselves or others. Tonight I am nothing more than American. Tonight, I join with millions of others in celebrating the death of the monster, Osama bin Laden.

Normally, I couldn't celebrate the death of a person. But every so often, maybe once in a generation, there arises a person who commits such atrocities that they can no longer be considered a human being. They voluntarily reclassify themselves as "monster." Osama bin Laden was one of these. Tonight, I will celebrate the death of a monster, not of a man.

I'm not going to pretend that this death means anything other than as a symbol. It is a statement that we will not give up, that America will mete out justice no matter what the cost. Tonight is also about closure for all those affected by the attacks on 9/11. Which is pretty much all of us. Nearly ten years ago we began a manhunt for the perpetrator of a horrible act. Tonight, that part of our mission, at least, has been completed. It kinda feels good.

Sexual Preference. I has one?

There are basically two terms generally used to describe who a person likes to bone. Sexual Orientation, and Sexual Preference. Both are basically synonymous in colloquial language, but there are some subtleties in there that I'd kind of like to explore. Let's start with Sexual Orientation.

Orientation, in navigation, is the art of figuring out where the heck you (or something else) are in relation to everything else on the surface the earth, or ocean, or space, or whatever it is that you happen to be navigation in or on. Usually, there's a map or a GPS or a hastily scrawled set of directions on the back of a napkin or a sticky note or your kid's vaccination record.  In the Army we use this art to figure out 

A) Where am I? [starting point] 

B) Where do I want to go? [ending point] and 

C) How do I get there? [distance and direction].

So if I were to sloppily use an analogy in relation to sexual orientation, it might go as follows:

A) I am (biologically) male. [starting point]

B) I usually am attracted to males, but occasionally females [ending point]

C) I usually tell people I'm gay. [doesn't quite fit the analogy, does it?]

Okay, so that totally didn't work. The important thing to get out of the term Orientation, is that it is relative. I'm not 100% into men, as evidenced by the fact that I am married to a woman. I don't always think of my attraction to men as gay, because I don't usually consider myself a man. But when faced with a biological man who has only had sex with biological women, and expects that trend to continue, I have to admit that I am way gayer than that guy. I'm also gayer than the other transexual who only has sex with biological women, or even with other transexuals. But I'm not as gay as a biological male who only has sex with other males. I believe I am straighter than that person. So it's all relative.

Now, about Sexual Preference:

I honestly prefer this term. It feels like it gives me more options. It's about what I prefer, not what I am. I can totally prefer something and not have it in lieu of something else that I do like, but may not be my favorite. I prefer butter pecan ice cream, when given an option. But if given the choice of butter pecan every so often versus chocolate ice cream all the time, I'm going with the chocolate. Or if, at any given moment, I can have either, I'm going to occasionally choose the chocolate. It may not be my favorite, but it can still be pretty awesome.

Similarly, I prefer men. But I found an awesome woman to be with. This, for me, is like finding the most amazing chocolate ice cream in the history of ever, and choosing it over occasional regular quality butter pecan. Yeah, sometimes I still want the butter pecan, but I've got the best chocolate ever, so I'll deal with the cravings.

But here's the big thing: call it sexual orientation or sexual preference, I don't think I really believe in those concepts. At least, not for myself. I don't have a sexual preference, but a sexual order of preference. I am attracted to lots of different people. But line them up for me, and I'm going to be pretty consistent on who, out of any given group of people, I would choose. I'm attracted to feminine transexuals, but not as much as I like tiny butch girls. I like Alpha male type guys, but not as much as goth chicks. If you give me Patrick Dempsey, Calpurnia Addams (look her up if you don't know), Pauley Perrette (Abby from NCIS), and and Zooey Deschanel, I'd pick Pauley Perrette every time. It's all relative.

I guess that's what it all comes down to for me: relativity. Who would I rather be with? Who would you rather be with? Do we really have to be gay or lesbian or bisexual? Do we have to put labels on ourselves to tell people the general category of who we want to be with? Maybe I feel this way because it's so hard to define the sexuality of a trans person. Are you gay if you have a penis and like penis? Or a lesbian because both people in the relationship wear skirts? Or is it straight to dress like a woman, act like a woman, and feel like a woman and want to be with only men? How does it all work? I think I've given up on figuring it all out. So, for now, if anyone asks what my sexual orientation is, I'm just going to say "queer" and let them make their own assumptions.

Seriously, I'm working on another post.

I know it's been a while since I posted the first time. Work's been crazy, etc. I've got a few ideas for my second rant, so it should be coming soon. Thanks for the patience.

Don't Ask, Don't Tell is going away. Mostly.

Don't get me wrong with this whole post. I don't want to turn anyone off on the first day. I absolutely love the fact that Don't Ask, Don't Tell is getting trashed. It was a stupid idea 18 years ago, and it's a stupid idea now. Some of the best Soldiers I've ever worked with were gay. Some even openly gay. For 90% of the Army, DADT only existed as a way to get rid of a shitty Soldier who just happened to be gay, but who couldn't technically be booted out on anything else. Most of the people I served with couldn't give a rat's ass. But it was still stupid because of the other small portion of the Army who would boot out a fantastic Soldier simply because of their orientation.

Here's my problem with the repeal: I can't come out. Neither can about 1100 of my Active Army brothers and sisters. And another 1200 in the Reserves and National Guard. Add 1800 for other active duty U.S. military forces, plus an additional 500 in other forces' reserve components. That's about 4600 queer Americans who get to keep on hiding when everyone else is free. "And why is this?" you may ask. Because we're not gay, and we're not lesbian, and we're not bisexual. We're that other part of LGBT. The part that everyone looks away from because it makes the fight for LGB just a little bit harder. We're fucking Trans. Transgendered transexual transvestite crossdressing genderqueer sissy androgynous members of the United States Military. And most of us are good at our jobs.

So, why are we in the military if we can't do it as ourselves? Well, there are a couple of reasons for it: quite a few Male-to-Female trans-folks wind up in the military because it's considered a very masculine occupation. We try so hard to not be who we are that we wind up in the most masculine positions out there. We become cops, construction workers, Soldiers, Marines, loggers. We're trying to turn ourselves into the men that society tells us we are. (Psst...it doesn't work.)  Another reason some of us join is because it's a pretty good job with one of the best benefits packages out there. You know, full family coverage on the majority of health care, free dental and optometry, housing, free education benefits, etc. How can you say no to a deal like that? And then, of course, there are some of us who just want to serve. We love our country (no matter how fucking backwards it can be, sometimes), and we are willing to give up our lives, our families, and even our very identity to defend and serve our nation.  Even though it would be easier to move to Canada where Trans in the military can get their transition expenses covered under their medical plan.

Part of the problem is the fact that Gender Identity Disorder (GID) is still listed in the current (fourth) edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV). That means it's a psychiatric illness, rather than an inborn trait. I'm not allowed to come out because I'm classified with schizophrenics and paranoiacs. Apparently, since I'm not the biggest fan of having been born with a penis and testicles and an excess of body hair and testosterone, I'm into self-mutilation (because a safe and legal elective surgery is self-mutilation, you see). That's where the Army gets ya. Even crossdressers aren't safe because way too many people-in-charge are unaware that there's a difference. So we're all pretty much boned.

So here's what I'm doing. I'm claiming this decade for us. The Sixties had the black civil rights movement, the seventies had the Chicano Movement and gave rights to Native Americans, the eighties and nineties were about gender equality, and the aughts (or whatever you call the last decade) really got the ball rolling for gay rights. Now it's our turn.

We just have to figure out how....