Sorry about the excess patriotic fervor....

My post today has absolutely nothing to do with being trans, nothing to do with being queer in the queer unfriendly culture that is the military. Tonight, it doesn't matter how I or anyone else classify themselves or others. Tonight I am nothing more than American. Tonight, I join with millions of others in celebrating the death of the monster, Osama bin Laden.

Normally, I couldn't celebrate the death of a person. But every so often, maybe once in a generation, there arises a person who commits such atrocities that they can no longer be considered a human being. They voluntarily reclassify themselves as "monster." Osama bin Laden was one of these. Tonight, I will celebrate the death of a monster, not of a man.

I'm not going to pretend that this death means anything other than as a symbol. It is a statement that we will not give up, that America will mete out justice no matter what the cost. Tonight is also about closure for all those affected by the attacks on 9/11. Which is pretty much all of us. Nearly ten years ago we began a manhunt for the perpetrator of a horrible act. Tonight, that part of our mission, at least, has been completed. It kinda feels good.

Sexual Preference. I has one?

There are basically two terms generally used to describe who a person likes to bone. Sexual Orientation, and Sexual Preference. Both are basically synonymous in colloquial language, but there are some subtleties in there that I'd kind of like to explore. Let's start with Sexual Orientation.

Orientation, in navigation, is the art of figuring out where the heck you (or something else) are in relation to everything else on the surface the earth, or ocean, or space, or whatever it is that you happen to be navigation in or on. Usually, there's a map or a GPS or a hastily scrawled set of directions on the back of a napkin or a sticky note or your kid's vaccination record.  In the Army we use this art to figure out 

A) Where am I? [starting point] 

B) Where do I want to go? [ending point] and 

C) How do I get there? [distance and direction].

So if I were to sloppily use an analogy in relation to sexual orientation, it might go as follows:

A) I am (biologically) male. [starting point]

B) I usually am attracted to males, but occasionally females [ending point]

C) I usually tell people I'm gay. [doesn't quite fit the analogy, does it?]

Okay, so that totally didn't work. The important thing to get out of the term Orientation, is that it is relative. I'm not 100% into men, as evidenced by the fact that I am married to a woman. I don't always think of my attraction to men as gay, because I don't usually consider myself a man. But when faced with a biological man who has only had sex with biological women, and expects that trend to continue, I have to admit that I am way gayer than that guy. I'm also gayer than the other transexual who only has sex with biological women, or even with other transexuals. But I'm not as gay as a biological male who only has sex with other males. I believe I am straighter than that person. So it's all relative.

Now, about Sexual Preference:

I honestly prefer this term. It feels like it gives me more options. It's about what I prefer, not what I am. I can totally prefer something and not have it in lieu of something else that I do like, but may not be my favorite. I prefer butter pecan ice cream, when given an option. But if given the choice of butter pecan every so often versus chocolate ice cream all the time, I'm going with the chocolate. Or if, at any given moment, I can have either, I'm going to occasionally choose the chocolate. It may not be my favorite, but it can still be pretty awesome.

Similarly, I prefer men. But I found an awesome woman to be with. This, for me, is like finding the most amazing chocolate ice cream in the history of ever, and choosing it over occasional regular quality butter pecan. Yeah, sometimes I still want the butter pecan, but I've got the best chocolate ever, so I'll deal with the cravings.

But here's the big thing: call it sexual orientation or sexual preference, I don't think I really believe in those concepts. At least, not for myself. I don't have a sexual preference, but a sexual order of preference. I am attracted to lots of different people. But line them up for me, and I'm going to be pretty consistent on who, out of any given group of people, I would choose. I'm attracted to feminine transexuals, but not as much as I like tiny butch girls. I like Alpha male type guys, but not as much as goth chicks. If you give me Patrick Dempsey, Calpurnia Addams (look her up if you don't know), Pauley Perrette (Abby from NCIS), and and Zooey Deschanel, I'd pick Pauley Perrette every time. It's all relative.

I guess that's what it all comes down to for me: relativity. Who would I rather be with? Who would you rather be with? Do we really have to be gay or lesbian or bisexual? Do we have to put labels on ourselves to tell people the general category of who we want to be with? Maybe I feel this way because it's so hard to define the sexuality of a trans person. Are you gay if you have a penis and like penis? Or a lesbian because both people in the relationship wear skirts? Or is it straight to dress like a woman, act like a woman, and feel like a woman and want to be with only men? How does it all work? I think I've given up on figuring it all out. So, for now, if anyone asks what my sexual orientation is, I'm just going to say "queer" and let them make their own assumptions.

Seriously, I'm working on another post.

I know it's been a while since I posted the first time. Work's been crazy, etc. I've got a few ideas for my second rant, so it should be coming soon. Thanks for the patience.

Don't Ask, Don't Tell is going away. Mostly.

Don't get me wrong with this whole post. I don't want to turn anyone off on the first day. I absolutely love the fact that Don't Ask, Don't Tell is getting trashed. It was a stupid idea 18 years ago, and it's a stupid idea now. Some of the best Soldiers I've ever worked with were gay. Some even openly gay. For 90% of the Army, DADT only existed as a way to get rid of a shitty Soldier who just happened to be gay, but who couldn't technically be booted out on anything else. Most of the people I served with couldn't give a rat's ass. But it was still stupid because of the other small portion of the Army who would boot out a fantastic Soldier simply because of their orientation.

Here's my problem with the repeal: I can't come out. Neither can about 1100 of my Active Army brothers and sisters. And another 1200 in the Reserves and National Guard. Add 1800 for other active duty U.S. military forces, plus an additional 500 in other forces' reserve components. That's about 4600 queer Americans who get to keep on hiding when everyone else is free. "And why is this?" you may ask. Because we're not gay, and we're not lesbian, and we're not bisexual. We're that other part of LGBT. The part that everyone looks away from because it makes the fight for LGB just a little bit harder. We're fucking Trans. Transgendered transexual transvestite crossdressing genderqueer sissy androgynous members of the United States Military. And most of us are good at our jobs.

So, why are we in the military if we can't do it as ourselves? Well, there are a couple of reasons for it: quite a few Male-to-Female trans-folks wind up in the military because it's considered a very masculine occupation. We try so hard to not be who we are that we wind up in the most masculine positions out there. We become cops, construction workers, Soldiers, Marines, loggers. We're trying to turn ourselves into the men that society tells us we are. (Psst...it doesn't work.)  Another reason some of us join is because it's a pretty good job with one of the best benefits packages out there. You know, full family coverage on the majority of health care, free dental and optometry, housing, free education benefits, etc. How can you say no to a deal like that? And then, of course, there are some of us who just want to serve. We love our country (no matter how fucking backwards it can be, sometimes), and we are willing to give up our lives, our families, and even our very identity to defend and serve our nation.  Even though it would be easier to move to Canada where Trans in the military can get their transition expenses covered under their medical plan.

Part of the problem is the fact that Gender Identity Disorder (GID) is still listed in the current (fourth) edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV). That means it's a psychiatric illness, rather than an inborn trait. I'm not allowed to come out because I'm classified with schizophrenics and paranoiacs. Apparently, since I'm not the biggest fan of having been born with a penis and testicles and an excess of body hair and testosterone, I'm into self-mutilation (because a safe and legal elective surgery is self-mutilation, you see). That's where the Army gets ya. Even crossdressers aren't safe because way too many people-in-charge are unaware that there's a difference. So we're all pretty much boned.

So here's what I'm doing. I'm claiming this decade for us. The Sixties had the black civil rights movement, the seventies had the Chicano Movement and gave rights to Native Americans, the eighties and nineties were about gender equality, and the aughts (or whatever you call the last decade) really got the ball rolling for gay rights. Now it's our turn.

We just have to figure out how....