Orientation, in navigation, is the art of figuring out where the heck you (or something else) are in relation to everything else on the surface the earth, or ocean, or space, or whatever it is that you happen to be navigation in or on. Usually, there's a map or a GPS or a hastily scrawled set of directions on the back of a napkin or a sticky note or your kid's vaccination record. In the Army we use this art to figure out
A) Where am I? [starting point]
B) Where do I want to go? [ending point] and
C) How do I get there? [distance and direction].
So if I were to sloppily use an analogy in relation to sexual orientation, it might go as follows:
A) I am (biologically) male. [starting point]
B) I usually am attracted to males, but occasionally females [ending point]
C) I usually tell people I'm gay. [doesn't quite fit the analogy, does it?]
Okay, so that totally didn't work. The important thing to get out of the term Orientation, is that it is relative. I'm not 100% into men, as evidenced by the fact that I am married to a woman. I don't always think of my attraction to men as gay, because I don't usually consider myself a man. But when faced with a biological man who has only had sex with biological women, and expects that trend to continue, I have to admit that I am way gayer than that guy. I'm also gayer than the other transexual who only has sex with biological women, or even with other transexuals. But I'm not as gay as a biological male who only has sex with other males. I believe I am straighter than that person. So it's all relative.
Now, about Sexual Preference:
I honestly prefer this term. It feels like it gives me more options. It's about what I prefer, not what I am. I can totally prefer something and not have it in lieu of something else that I do like, but may not be my favorite. I prefer butter pecan ice cream, when given an option. But if given the choice of butter pecan every so often versus chocolate ice cream all the time, I'm going with the chocolate. Or if, at any given moment, I can have either, I'm going to occasionally choose the chocolate. It may not be my favorite, but it can still be pretty awesome.
Similarly, I prefer men. But I found an awesome woman to be with. This, for me, is like finding the most amazing chocolate ice cream in the history of ever, and choosing it over occasional regular quality butter pecan. Yeah, sometimes I still want the butter pecan, but I've got the best chocolate ever, so I'll deal with the cravings.
But here's the big thing: call it sexual orientation or sexual preference, I don't think I really believe in those concepts. At least, not for myself. I don't have a sexual preference, but a sexual order of preference. I am attracted to lots of different people. But line them up for me, and I'm going to be pretty consistent on who, out of any given group of people, I would choose. I'm attracted to feminine transexuals, but not as much as I like tiny butch girls. I like Alpha male type guys, but not as much as goth chicks. If you give me Patrick Dempsey, Calpurnia Addams (look her up if you don't know), Pauley Perrette (Abby from NCIS), and and Zooey Deschanel, I'd pick Pauley Perrette every time. It's all relative.
I guess that's what it all comes down to for me: relativity. Who would I rather be with? Who would you rather be with? Do we really have to be gay or lesbian or bisexual? Do we have to put labels on ourselves to tell people the general category of who we want to be with? Maybe I feel this way because it's so hard to define the sexuality of a trans person. Are you gay if you have a penis and like penis? Or a lesbian because both people in the relationship wear skirts? Or is it straight to dress like a woman, act like a woman, and feel like a woman and want to be with only men? How does it all work? I think I've given up on figuring it all out. So, for now, if anyone asks what my sexual orientation is, I'm just going to say "queer" and let them make their own assumptions.
